RAAAAAGE

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Finally, the time has come for me to prove for certain that no terrain can best me. Nothing can protect the world from me. Not land, not water, not small trees.

Though I am just a boy riding on a pufferfish the size of my head, I like to imagine that I am the Loch Ness monster painted crimson with the blood of my enemies. It certainly is an image that would provoke the appropriate amount of fear from people.

I'm not as original as I thought. Or... Perhaps I am, and the fisherman owning this Qwilfish grabbed one real quick as he saw me coming. Crafty, Mr. Fisherman, very crafty.

And speaking of him, I have reached dry land once more. It was a disappointing short distance that I probably could have swam myself, but I get cramps.

Yo? Hi? Greetings? Felicitations?

To heck with those people. I have another town to raid. There doesn't appear to be a traditional PokéMart here, but there is a run-down house with a sign outside that reads "Gammy 'n Gandaughter's Shop o' Ganders". Why are they selling male geese? Why exclusively? I go in to see just what kind of malarkey this really is.

I was expecting an old woman and a younger woman, based on the "gammy" thing, but it's two shady guys instead. And I don't see a single goose in here, or on the menu.

But there is Slowpoke tail... These guys must have gotten their stock from Team Rocket. Ugh. I have no time for the likes of them.

Looks like I'm not going this way, though. This man just shoves candy bars in my face and blocks the road with his girth. I'll have to wait until he falls into a sugar coma or something. At least there's a gym to take care of.

...Or not. I swear, the obesity:annoyance ratio in this universe is a solid 1:1.

My only option for now is to go sight-see at the lake. I'm not big on tourist attractions, but I'm beginning to understand now that if I want a roadblock removed, I have to make a pointless stop somewhere first.

In a gate up ahead, two Team Rocket goons ambush me and manage to get 1000 whatever-currency-this-is off of me. I thought I'd had enough of these guys... Seems I've just scratched the surface of something big going on here.

Thankfully, I have no more gates to deal with and no more Team Rocket thugs to glare at. I get sort of lost and end up taking a side path around the lake, but it is not for naught.

This boy is so impressed with my ninjutsu martial arts that he gives me his belt. He fearlessly shrugs off the fact that his pants are now down around his ankles.

Ah, this is the unobstructed-by-trees view of the Lake of Rage. How sparkly. Really sparkly out there in the middle, actually. And red. Huh. Maybe a vampire went swimming and the fish killed him? I decide to swim over and see what it's about.

...Th-this... This is no vampire... This is a skull-crushing sea serpent that probably really is painted with its enemies' blood. "Forget about your childish fantasies," it seems to say as it glares at me with cold, unforgiving eyes. "You're a puny minnow in my pond. I'll use you to coat my tailfin."

It's here that I believe I briefly passed out. I remember a great deal of roaring and splashing, and a lot of frantic wriggling beneath me. I'm guessing the wriggling was Flagrant simultaneously fending off the monster and keeping me afloat...

I wake up, still clinging to her. She looks on the verge of passing out herself. The monster is gone, though. And in Flagrant's mouth, there's an Ultra Ball, marked to show it's captured something. I scan it with the PokéDex, though I have a suspicion already of what's in it.

Dear lord. There's no way I'm going to even try to use this thing. I'm only the greatest as far as the plane of earth extends. You get to Hell's fauna, and I'm a bit meek.

[Boxed!]

I'm... done with this lake for now, I think.

On the shore, a somewhat effeminate man in a cape explains that the Magikarp in the lake are being subjected to an odd radio signal that forces them to evolve. He asks for my cooperation in shutting down the operation, as only I could. Sounds great. Team Rocket's a walk in the park, after all. And if what just happened to me was their fault...

Well, let's just say it'll be more like downing the park with a napalm strike.

NEXT TIME: Frez infiltrates a secret base of secrets! Great guacamole!