Moo

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I'm still here. Augh. I might as well check out the park beyond this gate. And note to self: Avoid all policemen around here always. There is something very wrong with them.

Ok, it has feral cats. I like it so far. Maybe for once I'll have stumbled upon a landmark that isn't a crushing disappointment!

Whoaaa there, I guess I was mistaken. I can't stop this woman from laughing. Everything she says is caught between fits of giggles. Is she mentally stable? I can't tell... But it's not looking good.

And her Pokémon is her polar opposite. You could use the grump from this thing to shut down an orphanage. Admittedly, it is really quite adorable.

Huh. I see now. This woman is a metaphor for the stages of grief. She is the denial and possibly the bargaining, the pink fairy dog was anger, and this skull-wearing creature is depression. And by defeating it, have I taught it acceptance?

Where was I going with this?

I can't deal with these freaks any longer.

Ha! A break in the fence leads to me to several nice items laying around the perimeter of the park. Alas, these are the most interesting things to be found besides the cat from earlier.

And somehow I emerge out of the park to a completely different area. Am I just easily disoriented? I can't place my finger on it, but something about this place is familiar. Then I see it.

It's the demonic tree. I try getting Garrison to cut it down like all the rest, but his leaf just bounces right off of it. And it wriggles. It wriggles, and taunts me.

Sleep well this night, tree. It shall be the last peace you will ever know.

I go back to the city (since it's literally the only place I can go), and decide I may as well get another gym badge taken care of. After all, the last two were ridiculously easy - why should this one be any different? The fact that the leader's most notable characteristic is that she's "incredibly pretty" only serves to boost my confidence.

Eugh. I'm no interior design expert, but this is making my eyes water. At least it's still non-threatening.

I am cornered by a flirtatious woman who is quite obviously at least a decade older than I am. The implications here are astounding, and I make short work of her team so I can run far away as quickly as possible.

...!

Flitwick must have sensed I'm in trouble and is evolving to save me! Commendable, even though the battle is over already.

As the radioactive green orbs die down, I see that I now have something truly awe-inspiring. Flitwick is bigger, fiercer, and faster. And most importantly, he now has eyes.

I smash my way through the enemy forces, all of which are girls similar to the one who certainly was trying to violate me and my luscious purity. The leader actually seems to be younger than the rest of them. She's hardly my age, in fact, by the looks of it. What's so special about her that she gets to be a leader and I don't? I am infuriated.

Look at her, how smugly she stands and beckons me to fight. I'll show her.

What is this? A dumb pink cow? This will be no challenge at all to us. All it's doing is moving provocatively - why?

Horror sinks in. Cairo is completely smitten and immobilized by this beastly creature. I watch helplessly as it slams into my dear Cairo once, twice, three times. Cairo doesn't make the slightest effort to fight back. I yell out to him, but he is too lost in the throes of infatuation to heed my calls. The cow hits him a fourth time.

Cairo can't even pick himself up. His breathing is labored and his wings look broken. I know this is the end for him in this battle.

I recall him and send out Flagrant. She took down the blade mantis with barely a scratch; she can handle this.

But no.

She puts in a valiant effort, but all in vain.

What nature of cow is this? Is it truly terrestrial, or did it hail from the deepest pits of Hell?

It may be a hellspawn, but there's no way it's immortal. I can see that it's taken heavy damage. Garrison can end this quickly. We've been through so much together since our journey started. Our bond is unbreakable.

And then the truly unholy happens. The cow actually stops attacking to drink out of its own udder. I'm morbidly fascinated by this spectacle, and I only just notice that its wounds seem to be disappearing.

Garrison is left reeling too, but he suddenly seems to gain focus. He plants his feet firmly in the ground, and just as the cow is finishing healing, he launches a barrage of leaves at it.

Never before have I seen so much blood.

My team is scarred and broken, but not down for good. This is a badge we have actually earned.

NEXT TIME: Pretty much just filler again! Yee-haw!